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Every day as a father is an education. I don’t seem to have the same natural instincts my wife has; she, for instance, has never forgotten to feed or clothe the children. You’d think after six years of fatherhood I’d have some of these things figured out or at least written down on a handy reference sheet.
This weekend I took the kids to a movie while my sick wife relaxed a bit. I did check out the child-appropriateness of the film and found only cautionary descriptions of fart and poo humor. These being the highest forms of humor, I had no problem scooping the kids up for a trip to the cinema. At the film’s midway point it became clear that either the review skipped some important warnings or I scanned the synopsis too briskly. There were a few scenes in the film that lampooned horror movies. To a slightly older child I’m guessing these scenes were hilarious but to my six year-old they were anything but funny. My boy said nothing about the movie until bedtime that evening when he politely informed me that he was quite scared and that it was entirely possible he’d be having nightmares. Full of tears he arrived in our bed at about midnight, locked his arms tightly around my neck and stayed that way for the duration of the night.
Laying awake in one position for hours on end allows a father to ponder weighty issues. How big an idiot am I? Why haven’t I fixed that crack in the ceiling? How much sheltering is too much sheltering? My wife and I have parented with the philosophy that exposure to life experiences is generally good as long as there’s a parent present to moderate and explain. One exception to this rule has been fear. This very scary world will all too quickly catch up with them; adult life can be terrifying. Right or wrong, we’ve tried our best to always keep them from being afraid. I can’t bear the thought of prematurely stripping away their innocence in some feeble attempt to prepare them for the onslaught that awaits them in adulthood. Have I sheltered them too much…not enough? You’d think after 15 years as a pediatrician I’d have some answers here but sadly, no, I don’t. When it comes to things like this I’m as lost as the next guy. Given that for three nights running my son has awakened upset and frightened you can bet I’ll more closely scrutinize the movies we watch. Better still, whenever there’s a decision to be made I think I’ll just do what fathers have done since the dawn of time; I’ll ask my wife what’s best.
27 Comments
You made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes. We have two grown children and one at home. If only there were a formula, but each child is different. Seems cliche, but it becomes very complicated. What one child receives as nurturing, another views as smothering. In essence you have to have a multiple parent personality for each child. Having droned on much too long, I’ll say I like the way you’ve processed this one. The eyes always tell and his are speaking volumes.
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Thanks so much Sherri–it’s a lifelong adventure isn’t it?
First of all, I love your thoughts on parenting. I laughed, I cried. Mine is still young enough that I’m more concerned about whether he ate anything other than Cheerios and cheddar bunnies today. Media exposure is easily limited at this point, but I know it won’t be forever.
Secondly, what a beautiful child.
And thirdly, seeing your SOOC and your processing always makes me feel this way, but I’ll say it again: god I’ve got to learn Photoshop.
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Thanks so much Corinna! Every age is such an adventure for entirely unique reasons. I can’t count the number of times the words, “what on earth do you have in your mouth” came out of my mouth when my daughter was twoish. Good times!
First your son is so beautiful, as your whole family from what i’ve already seen. Second, your posts & words prove, each day more, how precious you are as a human being. Humble, always open to reconsider a situation, yearning to learn more and be better. You are a great human being, my dear, no need to meet you in real to feel that. And i’m touched by what you tell & share with us here in that oh-so sincere way that is your signature. I thank you and i’m glad this super cute kid has such a dad – we learn each day, from our (so human) errors too, just seeing them is already such a big thing. Bravo to you*
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Thank you so much k@! Your words are so kind and so generous; I’m deeply grateful to have met such a thoughtful person. This is another reason to be happy for this gift of photography!
very nice shot, thanks, my vote for you!
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Thank you Payam!
very nice portrait shot!
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Thanks Crash!
The good and expressive picture
Like the framing and light, and of course excellent treatment
Great job!
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Much appreciated Andrey! Thanks!
Very very good emotion ,splendid!
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Thank you so much Theys!
Excellent portrait Christopher. Your son is adorable. I have to smile at your last comment because of how true it is. As hard as we fathers try, there’s nobody like the mom. When my kids were little, they used to call me, “not the mama”. It was a line out of a Disney movie that they learned to tease me with :^)
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“Not the mama!” That’s hilarious–I can so relate! Thanks very much Doug!
Le portrait de ton fils est superbe… Une magnifique photo.
Le regard des adultes est tellement éloigné de celui de enfants. Moi-même , j’ai toujours du mal à laisser mes enfants (8 et 10ans) devant les actualités ou les images un peu violentes zappées sur la télévision. Christopher, tu me rassures un peu dans ton post. Même les professionnels peuvent se sentir désemparés face à cette injustice : comment faire comprendre la violence à l’extérieur de chez soi sans vraiment la vivre dans notre vie quotidienne. Expliquer à nos enfants avec des mots simples en souhaitant qu’ils ne seront jamais confrontés à cette violence devenue banale. Difficile, mon ami…
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Merci beaucoup Olivier! Croyez-moi, dans ce monde fou complexes Je suis vraiment mal de la même manière. Il est très difficile de considérer nos petits enfants auxquels le monde. J’écris et prendre des photos pour faire face au stress.
a great portrait with excellent post processing
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Many thanks yz!
Stunning portrait! Your son is a great model and the DOF and cropping are spot on!
Oddly enough, I think I know exactly which movie your are talking about! I recently went with my 5 year old after also having read the synopsis and feeling well informed. However, several times throughout the movie, I found myself thinking, “Gee, that was…um…intense.” Especially when my son’s eyes were as big as saucer plates.
Loved the narrative and it’s good to hear I am not the only father still trying to figure it out.
Thanks so much for sharing!
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Thanks so much Nathan–I definitely get the feeling we all struggle with this every day.
Superb portrait! The wife/mother always knows what’s best.
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Thank you very much Rob
The expression you caught is awesome. And your post-processing excellent, it really added value to your shot.
And for the story, it gave me the opportunity to remember when my son was a child. I would say that sometimes fathers know better than mothers what to do…
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Thanks PixeLuz! Maybe sometimes or at least that’s what I like to think!
Such a handsome boy.. just love your portraits in mono. They bear such intensity.
Regarding parenting.. i am not a parent.. yet. But i am sure there will be ups and downs and some wrong calls.. but we are all a work in progress. We try to keep them from harm and try and do the best that we know how. Even though i am not a parent yet… i have many kids run my life.. i mean many kids in my life
Have a great day Chris. And hugs to your boy!
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Thank you so much Anny! Really appreciate that!
As a childless-aunt to 17 nieces and nephews, I’ve had my fair share of comforting and explaining to do, but never because of a movie. Finding the right balance is the hardest job of all, and I understand what my parents went through, with six!
Oh, and love the photo.
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Thank you so much Alexandra!
I like the original shot but your edit is superb. Such a handsome boy.
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Thank you Kala!
Great photo and post Chris. He looks like he’s telling a story. Oh, what a conundrum. They’re not so good with having real ratings for content on TV shows and movies. And as I learned the hard way, just because it’s marketed to kids doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for *my* kids. Hope the boogeyman has disappeared into the shadows for now.
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Largely gone but still a bit clingy. Thanks so much Michael!
some things are natural, other we need some experience, but everithing is paid when he/she tells you ” You are the best in the world dad”
protrait is simply intense and elegant, wonderful
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So very true Fabrizio–those words make the cares of the world melt away. Thanks so much Fabrizio–have a great weekend!
Love the portrait, those eyes say soooo much – and he doesn’t look too scared!
In fatherhood we are all the “next guy”. It all boils down the art of muddling…we (men) muddle through with pretty even odds between sucess and disaster. And even the latter sometimes turn out to be beneficial.
When I come to think of it, they’re pretty good odds.
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Thanks George–really appreciate that. I think that pretty much sums it up nicely!
Christopher, well choosen crop and the light is magical.
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Thanks very much Klaus!
close, intense and at the same time cute
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Thanks Joshi!
great post processing on a lucky “fathering” shot – well done!
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Many thanks Michael–appreciate that!
a fantastic portrait
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Many thanks Krunal!
It’s almost criminal that they put scarey movies out there for young kids. It’s like robbing them of their innocence and youth and childhood. And – yes – always ask the wife (great idea…:-)).
Love the portrait!
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Thank you so much Marcie!
haha I love your notes on life and of course the wonderful photos ! Great photoblog!
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Thank you so much Wendy–I really appreciate your kind words and that you visited my site!
A beautiful portrait of your son. I like the way you enhanced the image to bring out what you saw in your him… vulnerability within this world.
I truly believe that knowing we are immensely loved creates the security for each of us to walk into and through this world with a sense of underlying peace; thus, getting us through a lifetime of experiences. Something tells me that you and your wife are doing a beautiful job of raising your children!
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Thank you very much Diane–appreciate that!
why is it that we feel helpless at times with our kids? the minute I feel, ok I have control, I have mastered this… then comes another blow. with my 2 and 5 year old now it is pretty tough. the 2 year old won’t do anything I tell her and the 5 year old the same! i always remember what our friends told us when when my eldest was born… remember, it’s all a phase and this too shall pass! and what a beautiful boy!
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[...] week or so ago I wrote about nightmares my son had following a children’s movie. It got me thinking about my own childhood and the [...]